40 Days of No Closure

I don't know what I expected. I knew this was coming. I predicted it. But still... GAHHH!

For those of you who don't know what I'm talking about, I have become obsessed with a blog called "40 Days of Dating". It detailed two friends experiment to see if they could date each other and break their "bad" relationship habits. If you have not had the pleasure of reading the most addictive blog here it is: http://fortydaysofdating.com/

Today was Day 40 and I was hitting the refresh button every five minutes, waiting until the screen changed. When it finally did, I was filled with terror. I knew it wasn't going to end with a happy ending and I was prepared to come to grips that this wasn't a happily-ever-after story.

SPOILERS AHEAD:

You actually don't know where they stand after 40 Days!!! They have a video of them reading some of the last blog entries and then they get really sad and just look at each other. They say,  "I'm sorry" and then walk away. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN????

I know they signed with a talent agency during an unexpected break right before Labor Day weekend and I'm super jealous of whoever gets to write the script for what I think is the most interesting modern love story I have heard in a while. But what happened to them? Are they still friends? Did they realize that they couldn't even be friends anymore? No, we don't know. It just ends.

This is becoming a trend in recent years in movies. Why give the audience an actual ending when we can just end and let them waste their lives trying to figure out what happened. OK, that may be a little harsh but that is how it can feel after investing your time and emotions into stories and characters. Obviously these are real people with real emotions and a happy ending was never really in the cards for them.

I have written before about one of the best romantic movies I had ever seen didn't even have a happy ending, but at least it had an ending. Too many movies just think that the audience will be OK with wasting their time to not have any form of closure. Some of you may argue that that's the point of those films and I am here to say: No thanks! Life is too full of things that you can't get closure on. Why would I waste 2 hours, 2 weeks, or 2 years of my life in a fictional (or in this case real) story only to be told that the conclusion is there is no conclusion.

I'm still hoping that there will be some kind of follow-up interview between the two people who I became emotionally invested in while reading about their attempt to find love. One article I found today suggested that while the relationship was fake and new school in the way it was presented, the way the romance both individuals attempted to woo the other with was old school in that it is an element missing from most modern relationships.

Their romance was simple; they really only had to see each other every day. The other rules they made for the experiment were just as simple. They took it steps further with thoughtful and simple gifts, like hand-written notes about why they liked the other person or a cute napkin drawing. This kind of romance isn't dead, like some say chivalry is, but rather it is laughed at and made fun of by most people. Why do we look down on small gestures of affection that were once commonplace in a courtship?

I guess I don't have answers to the questions I'm asking, either from the lack of a successful relationship or maybe because no one does. I like to think that small gestures are coming my way, in whatever form they may be. I hope that I can accept them when they do and not treat them like society does. I do believe that everyone deserves their own version of such a sign of affection, whatever that may be.

 

UPDATED:

 

So I sent this blog out into the world and one of my friends sent me back an article about Tim and Jessica and what their current status is. As I finished reading it I realized why this is affecting me so much: I feel like I got broken up with. These people shared their lives, deepest thoughts, and intimacies with the world and they didn't even know the impact that it would have on themselves. My heart knew they wouldn't stay together, there were too many hurdles for them to get past. I did hope that they could still be friends. I have the feeling that not even that is possible. I guess the real experiment was how do you acknowledge your faults and then once you've done that, can you change them and still be yourself. For right now the answer is we don't know.

 

 





The One Where Everyone Shakes Their Head

It has been said that DVR is the greatest invention of all time. No? That's not the saying? Well in my life it is definitely a top five. (That is probably not even the tiniest bit of an exaggeration.) I would say that in this day in age however it could easily be a top 50 invention amongst the general public.

You all know of my love for a certain TiVo, which may or may not be the reason I'm still single. But what you might not know is that DVR also creates more stress in my life than it should. Some would say that it shouldn't cause any.

Some of you may disagree.

Why? Why would a creation that allows me to record multiple shows at a time be the bane of my existence? Oh, there are reasons. OH HO, there are many!!!!

Reason #1: When you live with more than one person, let alone 3 to 4 at a given time, there will be conflicts. Obviously I believe that my shows take precedence over any other show because I need to keep up new shows to further my craft.

 

I have given that reason on more than one occasion and I stand by it. My mother doesn't really subscribe to my line of reasoning. There may be more battles over some one's show being missed or not taped in our house than any other fight. And I will fight to the death. Besides, why do you need to tape every show on TLC or TVLand??? WHY????

 

Reason #2: I may or may not be the person that decides your show has been on the DVR for an adequate amount of time. I find that a clean DVR makes a happy home. Again, I may be the only that feels this way. Let's just say that other people tapings may have disappeared in the night on more than one occasion. And more often than not it goes unnoticed. But sometimes...

 

 

Reason #3: As some of you may know I am very particular about certain details. DVR space is one of those things. I have no problem saving an entire season of TV if you actually watch them over again. I do this for a select few series. I also have no problem with saving a particular episode after you've watched it because you know you will go back and rewatch it. I get an unnatural pleasure from deleting more than one recording at a time. I prefer my DVR to be below 50% capacity at all times. In a house of 4, it rarely graces that line. The daily panic I have at our capacity is sad and I should probably see a therapist. Instead I revert to Reason #2. #sorryimnotsorry

 

 

Reason #4: .... OK there may only be three reasons. BUT! I believe that they are valid and that I have good points!!! My logic is sound. There is no room for deviation. Why is this so hard to explain and to get people to follow?

 

 

In conclusion... I know I have a problem. Quite a few in fact. But if people just let me have this MY life would be easier! Isn't that what everyone wants? Right? Right? Guys???

 

 



Can You Be Wooed? I Think You Can In Europe.

To woo someone. Flirt. Romance. Court. Persuade. Entice. Pursue.

In an age where declarations of love and finding the next "original" way to do so and post it for the world to see are the norm, it's hard to enjoy the actual reality of having someone tell you they like you or even that they love you without feeling like you were cheated out of a "made for TV" moment. (Wow. Is that a run-on sentence or what? I'm leaving it.) I had the greatest pleasure this past weekend to be a part of two very good friends' wedding. She was a living princess and the look on his face when he saw her for the first time was truly the best part of the ceremony. They truly were the vision of two people in love.

While their love shone in their smiles, I was thrown back into the idea of what we all perceive love and romance to be based on the TV shows and movies we watch. Face it, we all have imagined the dock scene of The Notebook happening to us. And why shouldn't we want that kind of love and passion? But-- have we let Hollywood ruin our romantic side or have they made it better? If you have ever watched a movie or TV show with me you know that my love for love and all small acts of love is great. However, most people think I have an over-romanticized view on how love happens in reality.

                                                    (Yeah, this doesn't ever happen.)

So I decided to take a look at the great moments of love that I found endearing and reverse them: if a suitor (Yep. Suitor. Beau. Main Man. I can go on and on but you don't really want me to do you?) were to recreate certain moments that I deem 'swoon worthy' and see if I would actually still swoon or if I would run away. Here we go!

In Amanda Bynes' movie Sydney White, the main guy character Tyler attempts to get Sydney's attention by serenading her with a group of pledges singing a capella and then he comes out holding a rose to sing the final verse. I. Died. Now, if that had actually happened to me? It would honestly depend on a couple things: what stage of the relationship are we in? This would be adorable as a way to ask me to officially be his girlfriend. But to just go on a date? It would have to be a pretty awesome song and voice to have me not smile politely then decline.

This next moment is as absurd as my reason for loving it. My favorite movie of all-time is Dirty Dancing and I fell hard for Patrick Swayze. Hard. To this day I celebrate his birthday and the day he passed. It's a thing. Throughout the course of the movie how could you not fall for bad boy Johnny??? But what really sealed the deal was the finger move, the "come hither" motion he gives Baby when they first dance together and then again in their "final" dance. If this were to happen in real life? I gotta say, yes. That finger move with a cocky grin would just drive me nuts. As cheesy as it is, and I fully acknowledge that it is monumentally cheesy, I would be won over with that simple gesture.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention some aspect of The Notebook  or really any romantic gesture from a Nicholas Sparks' adaptation. The man knows what women want, ok? We want a strong, sensitive man who isn't afraid to be vulnerable, is good looking with or without a scowl permanently on his face until the female reaches inside his heart and breaks that hard exterior. Am I right? I'm right. I own all of the movies and recently had a marathon of them from the first (Message in a Bottle) to the most recent (Safe Haven) and I gotta tell you: while they are the most romantic collection of movies that exist, I would not fall for any of the moves in them. I know you might scoff at such a sentence. "Kate, that's a bald-faced lie!" It's not, I promise! And here's why: we all might secretly wish to have our own Landon, Noah, John, or Logan, the reality of their love is that you know as you are watching the movies that it is fake. The cheese of it oozes from the dialogue to the glamorous love scenes. (Don't get me wrong. Those are great. Really, really, really great.) But in what world would your guy actually build you your dream house after you broke up with him? Or cross off more than 5 of your "to-do before you die" items on your VERY FIRST DATE? I'm not saying that they don't happen, but those are the Pinterest stories that we read about, sigh, and then say to ourselves, that's the exception not the rule.

In television it's a bit more realistic (or I am just blanking on those swoon worthy moments. Let's go with more realistic.) just because TV is usually more grounded in the people and not the story. One show, my favorite, was a big fan of the "big romantic gesture" and that would be One Tree Hill. There are two moments (Actually there are more than two but I'm only going to bring up two. Geez, get off my back!) that stand out to me as good examples. The first is from the first season when popular-bad boy Nathan is getting tutored and playing the classic "make the best friend of my enemy fall in love with me so I can ruin his life" game with his half-brother's best friend Haley. I know, and this was just the first season! Anyways, during a tutoring session Nathan offhandedly opens a Cracker Jack box and pulls out the prize, a bracelet. He smiles, slips it on her wrist and says, "Don't say I never gave you anything." It's a small gesture that soon becomes a staple of their love story. The second example is in the fifth season after a four-year time jump and a season's worth of denying his love for Peyton, his high school soul mate and after being left at the alter by his fiancé Lindsey, Lucas goes to the airport and calls someone and tells her that he wants to elope in Vegas. In the season six premiere you find out that he indeed called Peyton and they reunite in the airport terminal. The real-life test? Well any small token would be received in a warm manner, and probably cherished should the relationship become something more. But calling me after spending a year telling me that you don't love me, I ruined your life, and that I should have never come back home to tell me that you do in fact love me and want to spend the rest of our lives together? No thanks.

The last and probably most realistic moment and also the most ridiculous of them all would have to be in You've Got Mail. I love this movie. Love. And the last twenty minutes are truly the best romantic movie (short) that has ever been put on film. It begins with Tom Hanks' character Joe Fox bringing flowers to Meg Ryan's sick Kathleen Kelly. That apartment scene is forever imprinted in my mind as the perfect rom-com sequence. He has realized that he loves her and would take just being her friend but is still willing to see if he can make her fall in love with him. But here's where my skepticism kicks in. In the end, Kathleen discovers that her enemy, the person who basically destroyed her career, is the same person who she fell in love with online. And you know what? She doesn't care. She cries a bit and some perfect dialogue comes out of Hanks' mouth to smooth it over. In real life, you can't tell me that getting flowers doesn't seal the deal with a guy. I have it on good authority from some close friends that the day they received flowers from the guys they were dating is the day they considered them to be their boyfriend. But what I have a hard time believing is that if someone made you lose your way of life, you would forgive them so quickly. I'm not saying you would never forgive them, but that you would only need a sad smile and the brushing away of a tear to make it all better.

There are so many other moments that it is hard to pinpoint them but I guess the verdict for today is that small gestures are more likely to be received than the grandiose ones. And most guys are going to go for the small ones anyways. And that's why we have movies and TV; to fulfill that small gooey center of our heart where the deeply romantic soul lives.

We can keep the cynical exterior and I think that Friends With Benefits sums it up nicely:

Endangered Species

I went to the movies with a guy last night and as we were talking in the parking lot we watched all the other movie goers exit. We ended up trying to guess what movie they had all just left. He couldn't figure out what movie it could be because there was a mix of guys and girls. I suggested Wolverine  and he scoffed at me. "Girls interested in superhero movies. Puhhhlease." (Ok, I may be paraphrasing here.) I felt insulted and proud at the exact same time.

In an age where women are still "the" demographic to try and get to the movies, studios and apparently the average man still think that all women want to see are biopics, dramas, and romcoms. They specifically advertise certain movies to females based on certain advertising gimmicks. The best and most ridiculous example in recent years would be Steven Soderbergh's Magic Mike which featured a montage of Channing Tatum and the rest of casts' expertly toned bodies doing things we can only dream of to other women. In reality the movie was a gritty, almost documentary style story of one man's realization that there is more to life than booze, drugs, and women while another falls prey to the same lifestyle. Most women I talked to hated the movie, minus the 18-20 minutes of ridiculously realistic dance routines of the male strippers.

Now, I know most of you are going to call me a hypocrite. Yes, the main reason for me going to see that movie was my boy Channing and his expert dance moves. However, I knew the movie wasn't just going to be about that and I really enjoyed it. As a female, my tastes are not limited to gushy proclamations of love. I can find humor in a lewd joke just like any guy. Why do guys and studios pigeonhole women into this category?

As a girl, if you like superhero movies you are placed into the hot nerd branch. A girl that likes action movies is put into the tomboy branch. If a girl likes lewd comedies, she is instantly one of the guys. And if a lady likes a romantic movie, she is forever the girly girl. There is no in-between.

I know that I've used my "hot nerd" cred, or let's be serious, geek chic title to get into a conversation with a guy. It's a great in and most guys think it's cool that a girl likes action and/or sci-fi movies. Some guys only see "girly" movies because they are forced to. If a guy tells me he really liked The Notebook, I have a hard time believing him. Should we really question what a certain genre of movie says about you? I like to see what a person's favorite movie is because it is more revealing than a whole genre. Most of my friends are up to seeing any kind of movie; are we the minority in a majority of women who only want to see a love story? I can't believe that but there hasn't been much evidence otherwise.

My night ended well; my wide variety of movie genres impressed the guy. I wear my geek chic badge with honor. Even if I am an endangered breed of woman, I would rather be open to other possibilities.

Except foreign films. I definitely don't have time fo' that.

How Do You Solve A Problem Like Writer's Block? *

I know, I'm the worst. I'm like the sun; when I'm writing blogs every week it's amazing and you soak up all the rays of my wit and insights. Then I'm gone and you wonder if the sun will ever come out again. As a writer it's hard to know what you are looking for: do you want me to detail my summer TV schedule? Only review movies? Stalk celebrities and write about it? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME????????

I don't know where that came from, I apologize. But really, I don't know what to write about sometimes and I feel that nothing is better than something not that interesting to the masses. (Of course my blog is read by the masses. You shaking your head doesn't change that. Silly masses.) And disappointing my readers is not something I want to do. So what's a girl to do?

I could write about the movies I've seen so far this summer and they vary in style as well as in popularity. Most recently I saw The Conjuring, and it totally blew me away and reaffirmed my love of scary movies. Set in the 70's and based on "true" events, the movie was predictable but believable. Nothing is scarier than possessed or creepy children. I am more convinced of this than ever after that movie. ::shudder:: I also saw The To-Do List which was hilarious and unwatchable at the same time. Having grown up in a American Pie era, one would think that nothing could be truly uncomfortable again in the raunchy coming-of-age type of movies that have been popping up ever since. No. It can and does get more cringe-worthy. Trust. Me.

I could write about how USA shows are blowing the competition out of the water this summer. The network turned up the drama with the new undercover cop drama, Graceland, as well as the heat with the hotter than should be legal cast. As addicting as the some of the drugs they recover, it keeps you on the edge of your seat and wanting more each week. Another of the networks gems is Suits and while the world would be an unbearably difficult place to work in if all men fit their suits like the lawyers on the show did, I wouldn't want it any other way. Oh, and if you can get past the eye candy the show deals plot and dialogue better than most movies out today.

I could express my utter dismay at one of the best shows I've ever had the pleasure of watching get cancelled after months and months and MONTHS of waiting to hear about its fate. Amy Sherman-Palladino's Bunheads was so good. I am still in shock at it's untimely demise. I only began watching because of my love of Palladino's previous hit Gilmore Girls and I was skeptical to say the least. Why? I wasn't a fan of the show's lead, Sutton Foster. She never really intrigued me. And then she made me fall in love with her. With her sharp delivery, fearlessness, and just genuine presence on screen I fell in love so deeply with the show, I felt like I was punched in the gut when it got the official axe. The show's concept wasn't easy to get behind nor was it the "sensational" type of show that was normal for the new "pushing the envelope because we can" attitude of ABC Family. The show was different too; while plot would ease out at a normal for real life but too slow for TV pace, the dialogue was rapidly fast and whip smart. I really could go on and on about this show. Hopefully I can purchase the DVD and relive it on my own.

I could tell you about my foray into the online dating world. I know, way to bury the lead Kate. I still might do this, time will tell. It certainly has made for interesting movie ideas. I just am unsure of sharing the aspect of other peoples' lives and how that will make me look. I know, getting really deep.

I could express to you my utter lack of excitement at the new crop of TV shows coming to our TVs as soon as the end of this month... but again I'm unimpressed with the vast majority of them. Besides the obvious addition of Marvel's S.H.I.E.L.D.  I honestly can't tell you what else might make the cut.

So I guess I want to know what you, the supposed masses, would like me to write about. I'm doing this mostly for your benefit, a little bit to keep my writing skills sharpened, and a little bit for myself. What do you enjoy? What do you want me to take a deeper look at? All suggestions are welcome.

Unless I don't like your suggestions.

* The first draft of the song title: "How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria?" from The Sound of Music. Or so I think.

Faithfully

Celebrities are not our friends. They embody characters that writers envisioned. Some do it well, others do it better so that when the show is over you feel like you spent an hour or so with a close personal friend. Again, they are not our actual friends. But when an actor or actress does that extraordinary thing of leaving an actual impact on the viewers, we feel like they are our friend. That we have opinions and stakes in their fictional and real lives. And so when tragedy happens and we lose that friend, we don't know how to handle the news.

Celebrities are not our friends. When they die, it shouldn't effect our daily lives. The normal thing to do is to say a prayer for them, their loved ones and family, and move on. But sometimes, the celebrity made that special connection with the audience and we feel, however crazy it may be, but we feel like they were our friend. And we mourn. And we grieve. It shouldn't be personal. It shouldn't effect our day in such a way that you can only focus on the why's.

Celebrities are not our friends. Many of you know that I have a deep love for Patrick Swayze. When he was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, I was devastated. A neighbor and beloved family friend had recently passed away from the same disease and I feared the worst. Of course, Patrick lost the fight against the vicious sickness and I was overcome with grief. He was the first celebrity I had ever loved. I had dreamed that one day he would teach my the actual "Dirty Dancing" dance for my wedding. I dreamed that we would be friends. However unrealistic I knew these dreams to be, I lost the chance at a reality when he passed away. But more, I lost the chance to see him on screen again, and to connect with him in that way only an powerful actor can.

Celebrities are not our friends. Obviously my life went on and I celebrate Patrick Swayze's memory a couple times a year on various anniversaries that are special to me. But the grief I felt late Saturday night was more devastating. Cory Monteith had passed away, reasons unknown still, and I couldn't understand why. How did this happen? He had just completed a voluntary stint in rehab and seemingly come out stronger. He had a loving girlfriend (Lea Michele, another of my favorite actresses), a loving work family who seemed more like a real family to outsiders, and a stable job. Of course, as the reality of the event hit harder another thought came creeping up: how would the show go on? Would I be able to still watch? How could the cast continue on? These were stupid questions but my mind was still struggling to accept the horrible news.

Celebrities are not our friends. I saw Cory Monteith perform once. I went to the Glee: Live! Tour. I screamed with giddy delight when they opened with "Don't Stop Believing". I was hysterical when Cory sang and played the drums during "Jessie's Girl". And the final encore of "Somebody To Love" finished, I remember he came to the edge of the stage, thanked us all for coming and yelled, "We love you!" And we loved him.

Celebrities are not our friends. Yesterday I was in a state of shock over the news. I knew my reaction to his death was a bit much, but I couldn't stop myself for tearing up over the course of the day. I couldn't stop myself from playing my Glee Rewind BluRay and watching his songs from season 1. I couldn't and can't even imagine what his actual friends, family, and Lea are going through. I'm sure they are reliving certain memories over and over again. And with the power of song, they will think of him anytime a song they sang together on the show or for fun plays.

Celebrities are not our friends. I know this. As I type this, I know most of you will mock me or just shake your head and say "Ohhh Kate." That's fine. I'll be done outwardly mourning today. But every time I hear a song that he sang or watch the show, I'll have a moment of sadness for my friend who left this place to soon. For his friends, family, and for Lea. And that's ok. Because in some ways, Cory was my friend. We hung out once a week for four years. We laughed. We cried. We fell in love. We jammed.

Celebrities are not our friends. But maybe, when they make an impact on another's life, just maybe they are.

"You're one of the most unique talents in the world. You always shine your brightest when you do something personal, something intimately important that defines you. Just do something that takes you back to the roots of your passion."-- Finn Hudson

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