Bella-Lite and the Thorsman

Mirror mirror, on the wall will I ever be to watch Kristen Stewart on the big screen and not see her whiny, twitching, face?

That is the real question that I find asking myself this afternoon. After last night's midnight screening of Snow White and the Huntsman, that thought lingers on my brain mere hours after her unsure smile closed the movie out.

First and foremost that movie was not worth waiting in line for 7 hours. It's OK Kate, everybody makes mistakes sometimes. You'll catch a better movie next time. ( My current calendar for midnights are Rock of Ages, Magic Mike, Spiderman, and The Dark Knight Rises. I'll be there at varying hours ahead of time so consult me before you meet me up there.) Besides my antics with the AMC staff, I was genuinely looking forward to this movie. The promotional trailer captured what felt like a human essence without the fairytale-ness of the previous installment.

I was drawn to Charlize Theron's Queen and the no-brainer that is Chris Hemsworth as the titular Huntsman. But my main concern was Kristen Stewart. I didn't think she could pull it off, especially when I learned she would be speaking in a British accent, and the only time I thought she looked worthy was during the quick glimpses of her in armor during the trailer. Could I forget her dreadful performance as Bella Swan?

The answer to that is no. Much to my dismay, there were reminiscent Bella traits that crept their way into our fighting Snow White. Gone was the eye blinking, stuttering, pained looking girl who is firmly implanted in my least favorite character of all time- only to be replaced with a heaving, and I do mean heaving, too innocent for her situation, not the 'fairest of them all' beauty. I might be judging her too harshly but I am not alone in my mocking or dislike. I can personally guarantee that my entire viewing party did not come see that movie for her and plenty of snorting in derision and snickering occurred. I would forget at times that I disliked her so much but then she would revert back to Bella-Lite and I would hang my head.

I feel I must defend other aspects of the movie. Visually stunning and with a very moving score, the film was solid. Theron nails the desperation of a woman forced into a life she never had the opportunity to change and her eyes alone should win her an Oscar for the psychotic emotion that poured out of them. I know that I will add her dialogue to my quote repertoire; it dripped with viciousness and haughtiness of great villains of old.

There is a minor love aspect to the film as well that is clearly an attempt to appease the Twilight fangirls. Hemsworth as the Huntsman plays Snow White's foil for the entire film and when he does attempt to change his attitude, Snow White coolly dismisses him. Sam Claflin plays William, her childhood friend and presumably future romantic interest until he believes her to be dead as a child. I won't ruin the (completely non-dramatic) decision between the two men, but we all know my heart has long been lost to Hemsworth. He adopts an Irish or Scottish brogue for the film (he is originally from Australia) and I really don't care what it is but it sounds awesome. He reminded me of Thor in the fighting scenes, and I do believe that was done purposefully.

All in all, the film rates a B+ minus in my book. I would and will probably see it again in theaters and I will own it. Why? Because repetition makes the heart grow fonder. And since Kristen Stewart seems to staying around for a while, I should try to get past my hatred of Bella Swan.

 Maybe the evil Queen can spell it to be so...