Oh my dear readers, today is Valentine's Day. Love is in the air.
I have a special story for you today, a true love story. A tale as old as time. A story about love, loss, and love again. It's simple enough. Girl meets TiVo. TiVo is forbidden. Girl and TiVo embark on a forbidden relationship. Ready?
Once Upon a Time...
Our story begins with a plucky heroine named Princess Juliet*. Juliet loved all things television. She was ahead of her time, using multiple VHS tapes for days of the week and a couple extra for the 4 TV's that were available in her castle. She longed for a device that would allow her to tape all of her shows at once.
On the eve of her 18th birthday, her fairy godmothers' heard her pleas and cries. The next morning Juliet received her wish: her very own TiVo!!! Overjoyed, she ran to tell the Queen. The Queen however was not to be persuaded. The Queen was sure that the beloved TiVo would distract Juliet from her studies and social life (that she still doesn't have to this day. I mean...) and forbid the Princess Juliet from ever seeing TiVo again.
Dismayed and inconsolable, the princess ran to her tower and cried herself to sleep. The King tried to intervene but could not prevail. Over the course of the next few weeks, Juliet roamed the halls with an empty look in her eyes. On the eve of her departure to... erm... college, Juliet knelt by her bed and asked her fairy godmothers' for help.
The next day flew by as these kind of days do. The Princess was unpacked and settling into her room when she discovered a brown box that had no markings on it. Curious, she opened it. TiVo!!!! Her prayers had been answered!!! While clutching her true love she found a note in the box. It read, "Dear Princess Juliet, we have heard your pleas. You may live with your true love for one year. At the stroke of midnight a year from now, you must pay the bill or TiVo will vanish forever. But beware, should the Queen find out about your love, all will be lost."
And so, a year went by. There were close calls with the Queen and King to keep the relationship a secret. Pounds were shed through nervous sweating on the day's the Queen visited. But TiVo was never found. Juliet had found a way to hide her love. (Under laundry or in a nearby acquaintances room. Um...) On the eve of the year mark, having saved all year for a longer life extension, Juliet paid the bill for 3 more years. It was a miracle.
The 3 years passed as so many true love stories do: in a blur with only the happy memories to be remembered. Juliet would forget the times where TiVo tried to tape Oprah after she expressly disliked it. Sometime during the 4th year of their clandestine love, the Queen became ill. The princess rushed home to help her sickly mother.
Juliet was tired of keeping her love from the Queen. Over the years, her friends had tried to catch her in a lie in front of the Queen and she could no longer deal with the pressure. With the Queen sedated on her throne (watching her very own cable saved by her very own DVR), Juliet let it slip that she had been seeing TiVo for some time. The Queen, who to this day Juliet is unsure of whether the Queen suspected the love affair, was too weak from fatigue to fight their love.
Juliet was overjoyed! Her love was made public and a celebration was thrown. Alas, like all great love stories the ending was not to be a happy one. Upon her return to her kingdom, a new and improved DVR system started wooing our Juliet. U-Verse won her heart and Juliet was forced to box up TiVo. To this day, TiVo sits in the castle's basement.
A true love story if I've ever heard one.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Friday, February 10, 2012
Valentine Schmalentine
::sniff sniff:: Do you guys smell that? It's an awful smell. You really can't smell it? Hmmm. Maybe it's just me. It smells like love. Blech.
It's that time of year again. February. The lovely roses are red, violets are blue month. Yay.
I know, that's incredibly cynical of me. I should embrace the love. But I just can't. Valentine's Day does nothing to warm the cockles of my ice cold heart. Why not? There are a lot of reasons. Primarily is the fact that being single in a couple dominated society and having their happiness shoved down my throat doesn't make me warm and fuzzy. Another reason is that I believe a couple's love should be expressed every day not just for 2 weeks in February.
"Now Kate, aren't you going to see The Vow tonight?" Yes, yes I am. I plan on ogling Channing Tatum. I hear he takes his clothing off. That's the only reason... well not the only. Fine. You caught me. I love Valentine's Day. I wear red and its other family members to work. I have heart shaped earrings. I own most sappy love stories and currently my emotional state of happiness depends on a love triangle on a TV show.
I'm not the only one you know. There are plenty of V-Day Haters who are secretly Lovers out there. Why do we hide behind the hate? Have you ever been invited to a wedding but didn't have a date? It's time for the couples dance but alas you are not Cinderella and your Prince Charming doesn't appear to sweep you off your feet. Instead you stand on the sidelines, watching. (Or leaning against the hopefully open bar with a glass of wine in your hand.) You don't need to be reminded of what you don't have. It's so much easier to be bitter and embrace the hate.
What to do? Well, you have several options. (All of which I have attempted.)
1. Wallow- grab a (couple) bottle(s) of wine, get in your comfy clothes, and watch sappy romances. Or read a trashy romance novel. My suggestions would be The Notebook, Sleepless in Seattle, PS I Love You. You can even invite some of your fellow single ladies and make it an event.
2. Ignore- What day is it? Hmmm, I had no idea!! Plan something to take your mind off of your sorrows. Paintball is a great option. Cleaning is another good alternative. (This is a weak option. You won't forget. Sorry readers.)
3. Embrace- Ask a friend to be your Valentine. (I've done this twice. Thanks Derek and Travis!) Get a group of people to go to dinner and a movie/bowling/ice skating and make it about being together as a group instead of lovey dovey couples.
I know these aren't the best options. Nothing is really going take your mind off of the romance. Find your own cure and just go with that. Someday your prince will come. Or you could do what I do: wear black and watch horror movies. Nothing says love like an ax murderer banging on your door.
It's that time of year again. February. The lovely roses are red, violets are blue month. Yay.
I know, that's incredibly cynical of me. I should embrace the love. But I just can't. Valentine's Day does nothing to warm the cockles of my ice cold heart. Why not? There are a lot of reasons. Primarily is the fact that being single in a couple dominated society and having their happiness shoved down my throat doesn't make me warm and fuzzy. Another reason is that I believe a couple's love should be expressed every day not just for 2 weeks in February.
"Now Kate, aren't you going to see The Vow tonight?" Yes, yes I am. I plan on ogling Channing Tatum. I hear he takes his clothing off. That's the only reason... well not the only. Fine. You caught me. I love Valentine's Day. I wear red and its other family members to work. I have heart shaped earrings. I own most sappy love stories and currently my emotional state of happiness depends on a love triangle on a TV show.
I'm not the only one you know. There are plenty of V-Day Haters who are secretly Lovers out there. Why do we hide behind the hate? Have you ever been invited to a wedding but didn't have a date? It's time for the couples dance but alas you are not Cinderella and your Prince Charming doesn't appear to sweep you off your feet. Instead you stand on the sidelines, watching. (Or leaning against the hopefully open bar with a glass of wine in your hand.) You don't need to be reminded of what you don't have. It's so much easier to be bitter and embrace the hate.
What to do? Well, you have several options. (All of which I have attempted.)
1. Wallow- grab a (couple) bottle(s) of wine, get in your comfy clothes, and watch sappy romances. Or read a trashy romance novel. My suggestions would be The Notebook, Sleepless in Seattle, PS I Love You. You can even invite some of your fellow single ladies and make it an event.
2. Ignore- What day is it? Hmmm, I had no idea!! Plan something to take your mind off of your sorrows. Paintball is a great option. Cleaning is another good alternative. (This is a weak option. You won't forget. Sorry readers.)
3. Embrace- Ask a friend to be your Valentine. (I've done this twice. Thanks Derek and Travis!) Get a group of people to go to dinner and a movie/bowling/ice skating and make it about being together as a group instead of lovey dovey couples.
I know these aren't the best options. Nothing is really going take your mind off of the romance. Find your own cure and just go with that. Someday your prince will come. Or you could do what I do: wear black and watch horror movies. Nothing says love like an ax murderer banging on your door.
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