This is a Woman's World

There is a revolution and it's happening right now!!!! Believe it!!! Do you know what it is? It's a crazy theory that women are suddenly relevant in the entertainment world. ::chirp chirp::

That's what I thought.

I was watching the SAG Awards last night and while blown away by the talented ladies who won and those who didn't, I couldn't help but remember all the coverage "women" got this past year. "Women" who apparently overcame their situation as the less desirable option of entertainment. Did you know that women can be funny? I'm shocked!!!

I feel like this started with the movie Bridesmaids. Let me say that while I credit the very talented and funny women are indeed funny and talented, I didn't LOVE the movie the way the rest of the entertainment world did. My favorite scene was perhaps one of the most inappropriate scenes in the history of bathroom humor. I'm sucker for that kind of humor, don't ask me why. But overall, the movie ran long and was kind of predictable.

So many entertainment sites and magazines featured articles about the "newly found box-office power of women" and I couldn't help but be incredibly insulted. What are you trying to imply? That all of a sudden women can act just as well as men? Or that the women audience just discovered movies and TV? Because that's what it sounds like to me.

Viola Davis of The Help was truly a standout this year and she was incredibly moving while giving her acceptance speech last night. But something she said bugged me. She mentioned that not only people of race and women can rise out the prejudices put before them but anyone who is being held back. (Or something to that effect. I can't remember her speech word for word guys. I failed you, I know.) Are women really in such a dire situation that we need to rise above bias?

When I think of the best actresses right now, my list is varied with women of all races and ages. Just because I wasn't born in the golden age of film doesn't mean that I don't know who Marilyn Monroe is or because I wasn't even born in the 70's I can't know and love that Meryl Streep is the greatest actress of our generation. I would also argue that Anne Hathaway and Emma Stone are slowly but surely working their way up to the elite status of Sandra Bullock and Julia Roberts as America's Sweethearts while still tackling dramatic film roles.

Is the real cause for the issue of women seemingly becoming a force in the industry that there is a lack of actual issues? Oh hey, here's an issue: movie attendance is the lowest in the history of movie going. Maybe we should all take a closer look at how much the theaters are charging. I have discussed this before and I don't' know if you took my advice or not.

I'm 23 and can name many talented actresses from my generation and from the past. I will not deny that the women brought it this year. They brought it hard. Who didn't cry when they saw The Help? Who doesn't love Emma Stone, Meryl Stone, or for that matter Melissa McCarthy? I would like to add that McCarthy didn't just become funny. She brought it for 7 seasons on Gilmore Girls and then followed that up with a memorable turn in Samantha Who? and then movies The Back-Up Plan and Life As We Know It. The woman didn't get funny over night people!!! I wholeheartedly think she deserves all the credit and accolades she is receiving but people are acting like she is a newbie.

I know that I shouldn't be getting upset over women getting recognition, it's more the fact like we've always been talented and now it's a big deal. Is this year going to be the year of the guys? Who knows. My point is that women are not facing some kind of adversity to be talented. Maybe the studios need to better market their product. I don't feel any pressure being a woman in the industry, I just feel pressure in general. It's a dog-eat-dog world in Hollywood no matter what sex you are.

(Unless you know something different. Do you know something? Tell me! I need all the help I can get!!)

The State of TV Address

The Ultimate Showdown. David versus Goliath. Good vs. Evil.

You know what I'm talking about. Network versus Cable TV. Obviously.

This is a serious issue guys. Take it seriously. And I am an expert on the subject. (Seriously. I am!) Only in the past 15 years has Cable TV truly had an impact on our TV watching lives. Growing up, I only had 9 channels (and that's including 9 and 38) to begin my love affair with television. I think I did a fair job of it considering. Anyways, I really began to feel the effects of CTV (I don't feel like typing Cable TV every time so that's what we are going to go with, ok readers? I know, lazy. Deal wit it.) in high school when all the cool kids were talking about what happened on last night on Laguna Beach. (No one really cares, LC! Get off my screen!!!) When applying for college, the first thing my dad and I checked was if cable was free. No joke. (Thanks for understanding Daddy!!)

Once in college, I had the whole universe of CTV to explore and increase my addiction with, and in all fairness I still maintained a 3.8 overall GPA plus numerous curricular activities as well as 4 plus jobs. (Booyah College! Owned you!) Oh, the wonders of CTV! Movies on the weekends, new TV shows to obsess over, and I believe I speak for every Harry Potter fan that Harry Potter Weekends are the greatest thing invented. Just saying.

Now for a girl who devoted 10 VHS tapes to the nights of the week and a couple "Whatever" tapes, the channels and programming were endless. Enter stage left: my first true love TiVo. I'll keep the details hush hush (mostly because for the entire relationship it was a secret from well... I still can't say for fear of a painful death by my mother. Oh. Guess I spilled the beans on myself. I think I'll make a separate blog about our Romeo/Juliet love affair.) but I was saved. Cue angels singing and light streaming through the clouds. This is no exaggeration.

My family remained in the dark ages until my senior year when my dad called me. "Guess what I'm doing right now?' "What?" "Watching cable!! Muwahahahhahahahahha!" He seriously laughed like a maniac. After that, it wasn't a stretch to convince my parents to get DVR and despite my mom's reservations, the whole house fell in love. We are now proud U-Verse aficionados. (Your welcome family.)

Here is my point, even if it seemed like I was never going to get to it: there is an unfair advantage to be a cable show or network. I do have proof to back me up, so fear not.

Point 1. There is more money for CTV. The budget for cable shows is quite larger than your network shows, which is why some pricier shows last longer on cable where on network TV they are cancelled too quick or unfairly.

Point 2. CTV have a larger spectrum of what is allowed and what isn't. Now I understand this back in the day when it was still an option to have cable. But now there is no option, you have to have cable to even watch your network channels. Also parents are less concerned or maybe less attentive to what their children should or shouldn't watch. The time slot should determine content but even that is going to the wayside. Granted you still have to pay for the true cable channels (HBO, Showtime, etc.) which have no restrictions on... anything really.

Point 3. Interruptions. Nothing, and I mean nothing irritates me more than an impromptu interruption or even a planned one. I'm talking about a minor car chase, the President landing in your local city, or even a State of the Union address. Why? For years, soap operas would constantly be interrupted during the most crucial plot reveal for some inane reason. (But never Oprah. Heaven forbid we all missed out on her words of wisdom. I don't like Oprah if you can't tell.) Even planned events halt regular programming, but not on CTV. Nothing stops that regular programming. Mr. President, read my lips: I DON'T CARE. GET OFF MY CHANNEL. I realize that might be a harsh statement but when every major network channel (2, 4, 7) airs this speech it drives me nuts.

Point 4. This past year's Golden Globes nominations frustrated me to my very core. Almost all of the TV nominations and winners were from CTV. Are you seriously telling me that no actor or actress on network TV gave a worthy performance? I don't think so. Best Television Series for Drama, all cable nominees. (What about Castle? Or here's a crazy thought, The Vampire Diaries which consistently has some of the best acting on TV?) Best Actress, 3 out of the 5 were from CTV. Best Actor, 5 out of 5. Are you seriously telling me that no actor in a network show didn't bring it? Really?? Both Supporting Categories were 4 for 5. It just boggles my mind.

Don't get me wrong, I have many cable shows that I LOVE. But they never get the credit or the accolades they deserve. I know I sound like a kid who never gets picked first for anything, I just wish there was some kind of balance between the two. There probably never will be. I just have to accept it. I probably won't but at least I got it off my chest.

If only the President had his speeches on a TV channel that was specifically for politics... wouldn't that be something?

Losing My Religion

I am quite irritated this morning. I am a fan of TV. Duh. But more so I am of a fan of the TV universe which I know you will be surprised to discover lies outside that flat screen. The TV universe has many different planets. The studios, the executives, the critics, the fansites, and the viewers all make up this lovely solar system. They all interact with each other, intersecting and criss-crossing like one of those "Who's Dated Who?" charts where everyone is somehow connected.

I frequent two websites on a daily basis (Entertainment Weekly and TVFanatic) and receive updates and troll for spoilers on two others (Zap2It and TVLine). I love to read recaps of my shows on the first two websites in the morning or at lunch to relive the awesomeness that occurred the night before, see new theories about plot, and to catch any tidbits I might have somehow missed. (This doesn't happen often, but it does happen.) I don't always agree with the reviewer but I generally appreciate their viewpoints.

Last night had what I am going to call a "controversial" episode of Glee. No, they didn't have any same sex plot lines, no bullies or drugs or violence, or any of the other PSA topics that the show has covered. I believe it's controversial because of the two recaps I just read and I have to say that I am really disappointed.

TVFanatic's review was done by their Editor-In-Chief Matt Richenthal. He ripped it to shreds. I'm not going to go in detail as to why he hated it ( but you can read it for yourself here: http://www.tvfanatic.com/2012/01/glee-review-messy-love-storytelling/) but let's just say I completely disagree. The second recap I read was by the EW blogger Joespeh Lynch(http://tvrecaps.ew.com/recap/glee-season-3-episode-10/)and) and his feelings on the episode mirror my own: the episode was very good.

Let me be clear: I realize that Glee is not the best show in the world and for one reason alone, the plot is often second to the songs. And that's OK. Did you hear me Ryan Murphy!? I don't care about your plot because after 3 seasons of all-over-the-map storytelling, nothing you do can surprise me. I prefer the haphazard style of Season 1. Maybe that was because the episodes were only written by a staff of 3 (Ryan Murphy, Ian Brennan, and Brad Falchuk) and each had their own sense of style when writing an episode.

This season, in a move to appease the critics and allow Murphy and Co. time to kickoff American Horror Story, Glee has a staff of writers that have done a decent job of storyline continuity until last night. And it felt like coming home again. It harkened back to the glory of Season 1, where some episodes were driven by songs and plot was second.

And the songs were spectacular. If you watch the show and didn't have a tear in your eye during Lea Michele's best performance since Season 1, "Without You" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqIM5A_Cd0I&feature=g-all-u&context=G25fe758FAAAAAAAABAA) or the grandiose finale number by the New Directions of "We Found Love" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBGg8n5v6z0&feature=context&context=G25fe758FAAAAAAAABAA) then you need to have your heart checked. What made me love these performances even more was that I didn't like the original versions before the show and after listening to them on repeat for the last week (because I am awesome at getting them beforehand) I can't stop listening to them.

Everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. I know many people hate Glee and that's fine. Richenthal even said that he knows people don't like to read scathing reviews of TV shows that they love. Then Mr. Editor-In-Chief, it appears to me that your love of Glee has been long gone. It wouldn't hurt to pass that recap onto someone who still loves the show, despite it's faults. After an episode that was so reminiscent of earlier great ones, it hurt to read a review that tore everything I loved to shreds.

After all the show told us its mission statement in the pilot: The very definition of glee is about opening yourself up to joy. If you can't find joy in Glee anymore, then it's time to move on.

The Hulk Never Looked This Good

Readers, I have a problem. Lately I find myself angry at people who do stupid things. I feel like the Hulk: my face scrunches up and I'm pretty sure I turn a lovely shade of green. It's not attractive. (I think it's impressive that I can do this without being exposed to a gamma bomb gone wrong.) I have been trying to find other methods to control or release my anger but all my ideas seem a bit... off.

When I think of getting back at these individuals, several ideas come to mind. I just feel that they only work in certain realities and that this reality is not going to accept or appreciate my choices.

1. Dropping an anvil on them- While Wile E. Coyete attempts this unsuccessfully, I like the concept. I think the trouble will be to actually find the anvil. With my new Hulk strength, picking it up should be no problem.

2. Slipping Drano into their coffee- This might be a bit extreme. I know that it worked for Christian Slater and Winona Ryder though... and that movie ended well. Didn't it?

3. Revenge (Slow style)- My newest addiction is the TV show Revenge and boy has Emily Van Camp taught me many new tricks. I just need to change my identity, my hair color and style, get full background information on my targets, a couple billion dollars to not have to hold a full-time job, and become a socialite. That's easy peasy.

4. Insults- The Queen of Mean, aka Sue Sylvester of Glee, has brought such joy to her verbal knives. Example "All I want is just one day a year where I'm not visually assaulted by uglies and fatties. Seriously, Ohio, these retinas need a day off." I just need to work on my style. Although, she is just so good I might end up quoting her.

5. Murder- One of my favorite movies is American Psycho. I find Christian Bales' psychosis fascinating. The way he goes on about Phil Collins and then WHACK! She's dead!!! Brilliance. But... I'm not a big fan of blood. I don't think that will work out.

I guess I'm out of options. That's probably what you get when you think TV/movie characters are real people. Lesson learned. Excuse me while I go Hulk out. (Yep, I really can do that.)

One is the Loneliest Chapter

Muahahahahaha... I don't really have anything scary to add. I was just practicing my laugh. My terrible death laugh (or whinny in some circles.) Today felt like an excellent day to give you Chapter Two in my "experiment". And so here... we... go...

Chapter Two

It was amazing. More wonderful than he could have dreamed. Exhilerating. The smell of his triumph washed over him. "Mother will be so pleased."

Lily woke up and smiled. Grinning like a baffoon, she swung her legs off of her bed and walked into her bathroom. "Hey there, pretty lady. Why are you so happy today? Well, I am officially an employed actress. Ahahahaha!" Laughing gleefully, she doubled over onto her bathmat and laughed until it hurt. Today was a good day.

Next door, someone was not feeling the happy mood. Aaron, head shoved underneath his pillow, attempted to murder his alarm clock. His first attempt was successful and sighing he pulled his blanket higher. Almost back asleep, his clock across the room shrilly sent off his backup alarm. "I hate you Lily Black, you and your stupid safety alarm." A pillow shot off his bed and narrowly missed his alarm, but not his lamp which fell off of his dresser and smashed into tiny pieces. "I really hate that woman."

Lily was eating her celebratory French toast when her back door slammed open. "Good morning sunshine. How's the hangover?" she sweetly asked Aaron who held up a hand as he stalked over to her coffee pot. She sniffed the air at an unpleasant odor that wafted in through the open door. "Aaron, shut the door. It smells like someone died outside." Ignoring her request, he continued her laborious attempt to awaken his system without his head falling off his shoulder. "Fine, I'll get it." Bounding up, she walked over to the door and with an evil grin, slammed it shut. "Gahhhhh!" Lily laughed like a maniac and kissed his cheek. "It'll feel better after you eat." "I'll better when I murder you in your sleep." "Rude. Eat up!"

In the depths of his hiding spot, he crawled to the gathering arena. He knew he would be rewarded, it was his first mark after all. How could they not be pleased? And the smell... foul and evil; he could still smell it from here. Yes, he would be rewarded.

Coming into the opening he saw the whole council and the elders were gathered. He paused, feeling a ripple of uneasiness amongst the group. For the first time, his confidence faltered. Surely he was mistaken. He had accomplished his first mark and had done as the council had instructed. He had followed all the instructions and rules. Hadn't he? The elder member closest to him was speaking to his mother and they turned at the crackling of leaves behind them.

"Elders. Council members. Mother. It is done. She has been marked."

"We know. We received the confirmation an hour after your attack. Well done."

"Thank you. It means a great deal that you are pleased. But..."

"Yes?"

"Well... why are you here esteemed Elders? Surely a lowly member such as myself doesn't deserve your presence, though it is regarded with the greatest of respect and privilege."

" Enter the arena and we shall tell you why we have gathered."

Looking at his mother, he stepped forward.


"Alright you lightweight, I have to head to my very first reading!!" Lily locked her door behind her as Aaron climbed down her porch steps. Tossing her keys into her shoulder bag she leaped gracefully off and landed in a complicated pose. Aaron, obviously not impressed, shoved her aside and continued walking down the path. "I will get back at you for last night, if it's the last thing I do. I promise you. And I always make good on my promises." Catching up and sliding her arm into his, she nodded. "Oh, I know you do. I just can't help that you have the lowest tolerance of anyone I've ever met. And that when you have 2 bottles of wine, you start to recite lines from Harry Potter, accents and all. It just makes me love you even more." "Anything for you then I guess. Seriously, good luck today. Stop by the office on your way home and tell me all about it, ok?" "Deal. I can't wait to see Julia's face when I sit at the head of the table. Ah, sweet victory. Good lord, what is that smell?" "I don't know but it reeks like death and judging by the wind, you are going to walk right through it." "Boo." Unlinking their arms, she pulled out ear buds and put them in. The rest of the neighborhood was treated to some Aretha as Lily demanded some respect.

Leaving the arena, he felt confused and bits of the conversation ran rampant in his head.

"More marks... the time has come... they will know that we are here... for them."